Do you want to feel more romantic and sexual attraction to your partner? Want to rekindle the old spark, but feeling down and deflated? Debating whether to stay in this relationship, fighting your feelings, or eave and pray you’re not making a big mistake? It’s a sensitive subject, one that is personal to me and my struggles. and I’ve been looking for answers that feel right and align with my belief in the Law of Attraction. Using sources from teachers like Abraham-Hicks, as well as insights from laypeople and my own observation, let’s dive into this topic and hopefully find some ease and some answers.
Accepting Where You Are
“You will have a lot better chance of turning and letting the stream carry you if you are making an effort to be nicer to yourself about it.”
Abraham-Hicks, “Making Peace With Where You Are.”
Whether this is a new revelation or something you’ve been grappling with for years, there can be a huge well of negative emotions around losing attraction to your partner.
You might feel like a failure, like you are being ungrateful for them. You might be confused about how or when this all started. You might feel some blame, either towards yourself or your partner, for not trying hard enough. Shame, frustration, grief, you name it – I have felt all these and more over this situation. And adding even more strain onto that, feeling like you are bad at the law of attraction for letting things get in such a dire state.
That is a lot of negativity. Pretty low on the emotional guidance scale.
Now, how could anyone feel love for themselves, let alone others, when knee-deep in such negativity?
Abraham-Hicks teaches that if you are in resistance – which you know by if you are expereincing negative emotion – then the first step is to accept where you are. You can’t let the current of life take you downstream if you are frantically paddling upstream.
So, let’s do some soft, gentle, general statements, to accept and make peace with where we are. You can read these. Even better, you can write down the ones that feel true to you, and add some of your own.
I feel a lack of attraction at this moment.
It is okay that I feel a lack of attraction.
It is okay that my feeling have changed.
Lots and lots of people have experienced this same situation.
I am not the only person who has ever lost attraction to their partner.
I am where I am.
Denying my lack of attraction will not help me right now.
Expecting that things should never change will not help me right now.
I am here, reading this page, writing these words, because I know where I am.
And it’s okay to be where I am, because it is a necessary stepping stone to something different.
I accept where I am.
I accept that I want to feel different.
I accept that I have these negative emotions about my situation… [list them]
I accept that these emotions are letting me know something important.
My thoughts about this are different than what my inner being knows to be true.
I accept that these emotions are important guidance.
I accept that these emotions are good and helpful.
I accept that I am allowed to feel these emotions.
I want to listen to my emotions, because they are good.
Remembering Who I Am
Now that we are no longer fighting our emotions, we can move into remembering who we are, as taught by Abraham-Hicks. We will bring ourselves up by remembering our true nature and our wotthiness.
Abraham teaches that I am a piece of Source energy. I am infinite. I am expanding. I am God.
If I am God, then nothing has gone wrong here, because I always have all the power to change my thoughts, change my emotions, change reality.
I believe in Law of Attraction, so I believe in this power.
I accept that I have manifested this temporary unwanted situation.
I am not bad for manifesting this, I just wasn’t aware of how powerful my thoughts are, and what direction they were pointed in.
I have learned from this experience.
I have grown from this experiece.
And that is why I came to Earth, to learn and grow and expand.
Nothing has gone wrong here.
I am still alive, still creating, still Source energy.
Where I am is okay.
Where I am is just fine.
This is nothing that I can’t handle.
I know I can change how I feel by changing my vibration.
I know I can change my vibration by changing my thoughts.
I know there are certain thoughts that help me, and certain thoughts that bring me down.
I’m getting better at telling the difference.
I can see how I got in this situation.
I can see that by thinking thoughts like [insert negative thought here], I continued to perpetuate the story that I had lost my attraction and would never get it back.
My vibration changed by those thoughts, and I manifested more of what I didn’t want.
It shows how strong my ability to manifest is… if I can manifest something that unwnted by accident, I am sure I can create something better on purpose.
I know I want a better feeling, a better manifestation
And I think I am deserving of it
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to experience better feeling thoughts
I deserve to treat myself well
My inner being loves me completely
My inner being never gave up on me
My inner being believes in me
I don’t have to punish myself for failing, because I always get another chance to think differently, manifest differently
I can use my God-self to create a change, a new manifestation
Remembering How I Create My Desire
Now that we have embraced our true nature, we can turn our attention to the process of creating by manifestation, and how to use that ability to tell a new story for how we feel about our partner.
I accept that in my noticing that I am not attracted, I have sent out the desire for more attraction into the Universe.
This is the way the Universe works – we are always finding contrast, and putting out new desires.
If this time/space reality has the wherewithal to inspire a desire within you, it also has the wherewithal to deliver it to you in its fullest, most satisfying form.
Abraham-Hicks, North Los Angeles, CA, Feb 22, 2014
It is possible for me to feel that attraction again.
The fact that I have felt it in the past is a perfect proof that I can again.
My desire is possible and achievable and good.
My Inner Being has heard my many strong desires, including this one, and has answered them, creating the things I want in my Vortex.
My inner being KNOWS with 100% clarity that I want to feel more attraction for my partner.
My inner being cares about me deeply, and wants me to achieve this manifestation.
My inner being is always putting out a signal to me, guiding me towards what I want – more positive feelings, about myself and my partner.
Now that I have calmed some of the noise in my head, the resistant thoughts about my emotions and my worthiness, I am closer than ever to finding a path to my desires.
Thinking Different Thoughts About My Partner
Let’s consider the way we have thought about our partner up to this point, and play with new ways to think about them and the relationship.
I can look back at how I have thought about my partner in the past. The thoughts that were focusing on things that I found unattractive or unpleasing about them.
I can see those thoughts were not in alignment. I know that because they felt bad then, and/or they feel bad now.
I can see that these thoughts are focused on what I don’t want, instead of what I do want.
Some of these thoughts may feel right, or justified. Like things that they should change to please me, or to make them ‘better.’
But if these thoughts keep me from feeling good and manifesting a better relationship, they are not helping me.
I know I need to think differently about my partner.
It is not their job to change to please me.
It is my task to come into alignment myself, and see the beauty in them.
There is beauty there that I cannot see because I am out of alignment.
I know it is there because every soul has beauty.
We are all Gods with beautiful, expansive souls.
I have been filtering out the beauty by focusing on the lack of it.
Now I see that I was the one doing the filtering, and that’s okay.
I can change here and now.
And when I see the beauty in them, I will be in alignment, and more able to see the beauty in everyone and everything around me,
That is the type of person I want to be – that showers the world in appreciation, that has an open heart and a peaceful mind.
It is possible for me to be that positively focused person.
It is doable, and and I am on my way to that outcome with every word here.
I know my task is to think differently about my partner.
The shape of this task will change for everyone, based on where they are on the emotional scale.
It is therefore imporant to know and note where I am right now.
For me, Jess, after this extensive writing session, I am feeling Content, so I will be writing from that perspective.
If I am in contentment, it is comfortable for me to reach for feelings of hope and optimism. It is comfotable for me to think about my partner in gradually more specific ways.
I read a wonderful Reddit comment by Aphophysi, from r/relationshp_advice, that is an accidental law of attraction masterclass on rekindling feelings of attraction. (Bold emphasis is mine):
I’m going to tell you what worked for me. My husband and I have been together 11 years. Around the 7 year mark, I felt the attraction dwindling. So I started doing things to train my brain into attraction.
I love his hair so I’ll comment about how luxurious and wonderful his hair is, how the color is this perfect warm golden brown but with hints of red and how utterly perfect and sexy it is.
When he doing something normal, like he’s in his role playing video games on a Saturday, I find something sexy about it, like the way the robe drapes, the expression on his face, the way his hair falls. And I let myself fantasize about jumping him and if I’m especially brave I’ll say it out loud and see if he puts the game down. Sometimes he’s in the middle of a match and can’t leave. That used to be a turn off but instead of getting impatient, I’ve trained my brain to think of the anticipation as an extra turn on.
It’s about recognizing that you want something – I need my relationship with my husband, he’s my best friend and life partner and I do not want to go through life without him. And realizing that neither of us want to fall into the comfortable, roommate rut. So we both have to keep the attraction alive. For me it’s a habit thing. I think I’m using the same skills I learned in therapy to help with my anxiety – recognize the undesirable feeling (lack of attraction), then consciously work to replace it with the desired feeling (attraction). It gets easier over time, and it’s just the way I think now. And it’s so so so great, finding these really beautiful small moments, like when he bends over to load the dishes, or the curve of his back in the shower. My life is so full of these little amazing moments because he’s my husband, we live together, he’s always here, and he’s all mine to admire.
I hope this helps. 🙂
So, Aphophysi took aspects of their partner that were easier to feel good about, like his hair, and used that as their reason to feel good. They put their attention on this wanted aspect, and they milked it for all it was worth. By making this way of thinking a habit, it eventually becomes a belief. The thing you think about most is what you get.
This flows perfectly with the following Abraham quote…
You could have nintey-nine things not working in your life, and only one thing working, and if you would focus upon the one thing that is going right, for a disproportionate amount of time, saying, “My life works, my life works, my life work…” the other 99 things would fall in line with what is working.
Abraham-Hicks
You have to give more air-time to the wanted than the unwanted. It doesn’t always have to be about THIS topic, but if this topic comes up, going towards the thoughts that feel better rather than worse is what is gonna change your vibration.
Personally, I can see I was stuck in a rut of thinking, “I wish things were different,” and noticing my lack of romantic feelings with disdain, and that stopped me from being able to make actual change to my thought patterns.
After absorbing these influences, I am going to change, and focus on the parts of my partner that are easy to feel good about – his beautiful eyes and his strong biceps and his nice blazers. They will get all of my attention. Regardless of what ever unpleasing other aspects there may be, those are no longer my business, because I am now in the Beautiful Eyes Cheerleader Department! Imagining him, imagine his beautifu eyes. Get a cringe selfie? Just focus on his beautiful eyes. It’s work, but if you pick things you actually feel good about, and are not just picking things you think you should feel good about, then it is enjoyable work, and that is what will make it easier to maintain.
The Book of Positive Aspects
As you come up with aspects of your partner that are pleasing to you, it would be a good idea to write them down. Personally, with my loud brain, things feel much more calm and real when I can write them down and see them.
The Abraham-Hicks process ‘The Book of Positive Aspects’ can be used here to help your mind focus on these pleasing features of your partner.
Pick a page of the book, and write down one of those good features that you have identified – eg your partner’s eyes – as the page heading.
Underneath this, write down why you like that aspect of them. Eg the color of his eyes is like butterscotch, or his lashes are so long and beautiful. Be as slow and gentle as you want in this process – force is the last thing we ae looking for!
Write only for as long as feels comfortable. You can always come back and add more later if you get inspired.
Here are some customisable Books of Positive Aspects you can get from my Zazzle store. Having a purpose-made book can help you feel more committted to change, and help you focus.
You can start a new page for each individual aspect of your partner that you like.
This is a more granular use of the BOPA compared to how Abraham-Hicks describes it in ‘Ask and it is Given,’. There, they have a page per entity: partner, cat, house, etc. But considering how low we were on the emotional guidance scale before, I think a gentle, granular approach is just what we need to make positive change without re-activating the unwanted.
A big benefit of using a book for this process is that you have real, tangible proof that you have, and do, feel some attraction. On bad days, anxiety and depression days, this will be a comfort to you. Even if you can’t read the pages at those times, just knowing you have got one, two, five things that you TRULY felt good about will be proof and motivation that things can get better.
As you change the balance of your thoughts, you will hopefully get to a point where you fill many pages with things you like about your partner. And the higher your vibration gets, the more specific your positive rampages can get.
Conclusion
I hope this blog post has given you some hope, and some advice, on how to change your vibration and increase the amount and intensity of romantic and sexual feelings you have towards your partner. I hope to add to this blog post as more words of wisdom come to me. And if you have any insights or discussion to contribute, please leave a comment below.
Peace, love and sunshine,
JessicaAmber
